Matt Heath: Kiwi Cops Should Copy TV Good Guys

As a taxpaying, generally law-abiding citizen I resent being spoken to like a child. The odd "please" in cop campaigns would be nice. How about "Please don't speed. Lots of love, the cops xxoo"? Politeness goes a long way. When you get it first-hand from police it feels good.

Recently I experienced Kiwi police work of such a high standard it felt like TV.

Like most New Zealanders I enjoy talking on my phone while driving my car. I'm great at it. I can do it on sheet ice eating a runny piping hot mince pie. I could talk on my phone while parallel parking a caravan. I could talk on two phones while driving a wide load through the skinny middle lanes on the Harbour Bridge.

Texting and driving, no. Talking and driving, sweet as.

Wednesday arvo I was chatting to the Mrs as I pulled up at the intersection of Queen St and K Rd. To my horror a police car pulled up beside me. Busted! An officer in his 50s met my gaze.

"Arrrggghhh. the injustice of being pinged for a non-crime!" - I yelled in my mind.

Then the most amazing thing happened. The nice old cop smiled and made the phone hang-up hand gesture. I smiled back and did as he'd asked. In return he gave me a thumbs-up and a wink.

Good old-fashioned community policing. That little show of respect changed me. I've stopped talking and driving. Not because it's a law, not because there is any danger in it but because I was asked nicely not to. I was expecting to get Brian Dennehy in First Blood, instead I got Chris O'Dowd in Bridesmaids. Most Kiwis are eager to please. We want people to look up to. I live to make my dad proud. For that brief second that cop become a father figure. I will try to please him phone driving-wise for the rest of my life.

Ironically this positive policing happened 200m from my most negative police experience.

The cops were shutting down Paradise Bar on K Rd over fire regulation breaches. I just happened to be living in the same building. I arrived home from work to see a large male cop push a small 18-year-old girl down a flight of stairs.

I don't know what she had said or done but you just don't push girls down stairs. "Leave her alone," I yelled in a scared little Mickey Mouse of a voice. Smash! Bang! Ouch! I found myself face down on the concrete, a knee on my spine and handcuffs on my wrists. I informed the cop that as a taxpayer he worked for me and I don't pay him to push little girls downstairs. He punched me in the back of the head and I ended up in the cells for the night.

Terribly impolite policing. I was expecting Colin Hanks in Fargo but got Denzel Washington in Training Day.

That completely unfair experience created in me an irrational hatred of police adverts, billboards and Greg O'Connor.

I much prefer the "hand gesture and smile" policing to the "push girls downstairs, punch me in the back of the head" policing.

Like all professions cops run the spectrum from saint to dickhead. Unlike other professions the police have dozens and dozens of great role models from film and television.

If I was a cop I would aim to be a nice polite cop like "Good Cop" in The Lego Movie and not a bad cop like "Bad Cop" in The Lego Movie.

NZ Herald